How to make them!
Before I describe how to change your life forever I think that it is both necessary and curiously enlightening to understand how such genius could come to be. Like many great ideas, this one came from a common everyday scenario. Similar to being in the shower, or sleeping under an apple tree, I was simply conversing with good friends. Not that talking to my friends is like being naked in warm water or being whacked on the head with fruit, but... well, let's just move on shall we?
There were three of us at the time, and we ran into a BIG disagreement on the best of breakfast foods.
We had begun talking about food because we were first talking about internet sites that enslave the minds of well-intentioned people looking for good ideas... or in other words, how the women in our lives spend a lot of time looking at pinterest, which as we all know is just a way to stare at cupcakes and painted nails for days on end only to raise their glazed eyes back into reality for a moment to glance at the loving man in the room and wonder why he can't be as romantic as this "pinned" sunset, which is naturally leading to a blog where other perfetly dressed women manage to write about a new vacation they took every 14 minutes. And on that vacation they ate cupcakes and got their nails done.
We had begun talking about food because we were first talking about internet sites that enslave the minds of well-intentioned people looking for good ideas... or in other words, how the women in our lives spend a lot of time looking at pinterest, which as we all know is just a way to stare at cupcakes and painted nails for days on end only to raise their glazed eyes back into reality for a moment to glance at the loving man in the room and wonder why he can't be as romantic as this "pinned" sunset, which is naturally leading to a blog where other perfetly dressed women manage to write about a new vacation they took every 14 minutes. And on that vacation they ate cupcakes and got their nails done.
Now don't get me wrong about any of this. I don't want to hurt feelings, speak in generalities, or lead you to assume thought patterns that don't refelct the true views of the writer or his friends. I hope that it is obvious to those who might otherwise decide to take
offense at certain things that I write, that there is an element of exaggeration, or the playing-up
scenarios for fun. It's all for a laugh or to make a funny point. The old “using humor as a rubber sword”
thing; you get to make a point without drawing blood. So yes, to speak to this issue at hand, it
would be evenhanded of me in representing my friends and I, and relating to the
readership with which we will have this digital connection, to state that... well... Our
disagreement on breakfast food wasn’t as BIG as it might have seemed from a
previous sentence. We were definitley all in agreement about the superiority of bacon as the all-time best breakfast food, or meat to consume before noon, or afternoon, or possibly ever!
But, our true disparity arose as Joe (name changed from Brad to protect anonymity) mentioned that pancakes were his favorite (also). Well, Brad (name changed from Joe to protect the innocent and confuse you and me as to which person I am really referring to, which really lets me take some liberties in retelling real events about real people, which if they do resemble other real persons living or dead, this is purely coincidental) confessed his great love for French Toast. I decided to disagree also, since everyone was doing it, and it was mostly true anyway, that I thoroughly enjoy a well-made waffle with my breakfast. Those little squares just harbor all the sweet goodness you pour into them!
But, our true disparity arose as Joe (name changed from Brad to protect anonymity) mentioned that pancakes were his favorite (also). Well, Brad (name changed from Joe to protect the innocent and confuse you and me as to which person I am really referring to, which really lets me take some liberties in retelling real events about real people, which if they do resemble other real persons living or dead, this is purely coincidental) confessed his great love for French Toast. I decided to disagree also, since everyone was doing it, and it was mostly true anyway, that I thoroughly enjoy a well-made waffle with my breakfast. Those little squares just harbor all the sweet goodness you pour into them!
Now this is an aside, (because I have been on topic so far) but breakfast food really is an
anomaly. We have very specific ideas
about what should be consumed in the morning time. If you eat spaghetti, that’s kind of
weird. It’s also not acceptable to eat
pie or cake before the PM apparently. But, if you
listen to the wise words of Jim Gaffigan, you realize that we just lie to
ourselves about this, because though you "can’t eat cake for breakfast", somehow
a pan-cooked cake with syrup poured all over it makes the morning-time
cut. When in Rome I guess.
Anyways, as our conversation deepened, we decided to join
our ideas and imagine something that could make everyone happy. A French-pan-toast-waffle-cake. In fact, it could be so compelling an idea as
to rip through the pinterest world and snap many a person from their daze and
into action… the action of making this wonderful new food.
Well, that dream became a reality… at least the whole
actually making them thing. My wife was
thrilled by the genius idea and couldn’t wait to start. Ok, so really she gave me a funny look,
smiled, nodded, and agreed to help out of pure love… And probably a healthy fear of what I might
do to the kitchen left to my own devices.
Anyways, I have now here step by step instructions complete
with pictures, like a real-life food blog!
Except I don’t have measurements and stuff because that’s boring.
You begin with only the finest of pancake ingredients.
This may be your most important instrument... Does your waffle maker have all kinds of unidentified substances stuck to the back of it that have combined over the many years and in no way could ever be cleaned off? ...Mine doesn't but I've heard of that.
Now for step #1!
Butter your skillet
mix your pancake mix with water and a fork
Here's an action shot of the optimal consistency you are shooting for. I call it awkward-lumpy.
Next! #2 or 3 depending on how you count:
Start to make your french toast batter! using one egg...
or two! Here's my lovely lady and her eggs.
she will proceed to add secret ingredients like milk, cinamon, and nutmeg.
Timeout for a picture of our cooking feet!
coincidence that those nails are done?
Now we cook the pancake. Wear an apron for best form.
Like a real cooking show this mix made itself while I was looking at the camera
pour another.
wait for it...
still there.
perfect golden brownness!
my excitement is uncontainable. As you see I ripped my apron off real quick, but don't worry, I had time to turn my shirt inside out to protect the good side.
The moment of truth (step #7?)
put hot pancake in egg stuff!
Be careful that pancake is hot!
turn it over
and over
and over
Put it in the waffle iron!!!
she reminded me we have to close the dang thing.
no comment.
Then you wait until your waffle iron either talks to you, beeps, has a light come on, or in our case, clicks in a weird rhythm that probably means something in Swahili.
pull it out!
[serving suggestion]
I think those are basil leaves cause I couldn't find a nice garnish.
I would recommend not using the freezer-burned versions of what is pictured here.
But... Pancake, french toast, and waffle all in one!!! Amazing!
As you see this next section will try to reach out to "alternative" eaters. This is a mini pancake for low-carb diets
mmmm... organic syrup stuff from an exotic plant in a desert far away. Totally local and green though.
Wholesome grains/oats!
I guess you could sprinkle these over your delectible creation for a goat-like eating experience some people think is better for them...
or at least makes them better than other people...
Just kidding! (refer to disclaimer on views expressed, offending people, and the FBI warning on not using permission on stuff)
Does your butter dish always end up looking like this?
Well, my friends, however you eat them, they are really really good. I think the fine photography and descriptions here are enough to convince you, but in case they aren't yet,
TRY THEM THEY ARE SO GOOD!
